Things: Hardest thing

If you noticed it has been several days since I wrote. Honestly, it was partly because I have been busy and partly because I honestly had no idea how to write this. So I am just going to write this and hope it comes out right. 

First, I want to give a nod to motherhood. Being a mother is hard. It breaks me and builds me at the same time. There is nothing that pushes me the way being a mother does. The simple joy and love that it provides brings tears to my eyes. However, this is topic is not about this.

My own "depths of despair" moment came when I was 17.

I moved when I was 16. I will openly admit that I did this basically kicking and screaming. Okay, well not that bad, but I was strongly opposed to this for one simple reason. I was happy, I had everything I wanted. I was sulky for a couple weeks, I will admit it. Then, I decided I better make the best of it because, heck, I was going to be there for 2 years.

Long story short, it didn't work. For the exception of one person (I love you krysti!), I had trouble finding a true friend. Originally, I was excited because I had several yw in my ward around my age; surely I would be able to make friends there. I figured wrong. Gossiping, Lying, Vicious acts upon those they didn't like were just few the things I witnessed. I felt deeply lonely many times.

These circumstances changed the person I was. I became stronger because of it. I cultivated a relationship with my Heavenly Father that has been the foundation for my entire life. I felt the power of the atonement in those moments - not through repentance - by the terrible loneliness I felt, I knew my Savior felt. 

I know I have been vague. I will probably have to sit down and write out what happened one day. Almost ten years later, it still hurts to dredge up the memories. To give you a "Happily Ever After" (because no trial lasts forever), there became a moment where it was all to much. Where I knew I could not hold on any longer. I went to my Father in prayer and I knew that it was time for me to move on. I put in my application for school, graduated early, and left 3 months later. I believe college was one of the best experiences of my life because it became the place I was able to rest from my sorrows.